


A Jersey Problem

by panaceaa



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, Jersey!Kyle, Kenny is precious and worth protecting, Kyle is protective, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 04:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14324187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panaceaa/pseuds/panaceaa
Summary: Kyle pushed Kenny behind him, barricading him against the wall of the building while he puffed out his chest, crossed his arms, and glared at the group of Jersey natives passing them. The orange-skinned group gave him one look and quickened their pace. Still, when they passed directly in front of them, Kyle rolled up his sleeves and released a noise that was uncomfortably close to a growl.Kenny peeked his head over his shoulder, resting his chin on it. “Ky, what are you doing?”





	A Jersey Problem

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Townycod13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/gifts).



Kyle was studying in the library when Wendy suddenly came storming over, slamming her books down on the table in front of him.

“I’m going to fucking kill Cartman!”

Kyle looked up, taking in the fire in her eyes with an arch of his brow, before looking back down at his book. “You’re going to have to get in line,” he said, flipping to the next page.

“He’s just such a… such an asshole!”

“Well noted,” he said without looking up. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

Wendy sighed and crumpled into the chair across from him, half laying on the table. “You know that environmental club I’m in?”

“Obviously.”

“Well we were submitting essays on our suggestions on how to improve the cleanliness of beaches, and the writers of the two best essays would then get to go and actually help to enforce their ideas.”

“And what,” Kyle said as he flipped another page, “did the fatass enter?”

“He. Got. Second. Place,” Wendy seethed, finally sitting straight in her chair and grasping the table’s sides hard enough to turn her knuckles white.

Kyle finally looked up from his book. “No shit?”

“Would I joke about something like this, Kyle?”

Kyle shook his head, “Well, did you win?”

She scoffed as if insulted. “Obviously. But that just means I have to go on a fucking trip with Eric Cartman to New Jersey!” She gritted, and Kyle froze. “He only wants to go so that he can drink and destroy the entire fucking purpose of the trip!”

“...Did you say Jersey?”

“Yeah, Atlantic City,” she sighed, finally loosening her hold on the poor table. “All Cartman keeps saying is that he knows for a fact they don’t card there.”

Kyle closed his book altogether, putting his hands flat on the table and leaning closer to look at Wendy very seriously. “Wendy, as your friend, I’m telling you that you cannot go on this trip.”

She just shook her head, the familiar determination lighting up her gaze that Kyle equally related to and admired. “I have to, Kyle. I can’t just stay here and do nothing while Cartman destroys any hope we would have of fixing things. And now he’s got poor Butters roped into it.”

“Butters?”

She nodded, stealing a pencil from Kyle’s side of the table and beginning to doodle aimlessly on the corner of her notebook. “Yeah, we’re allowed to bring two guests each, probably so we can bring our parents,” her tone sharpened as her grip on the pencil tightened, “who I would have considered bringing if Cartman wasn’t going to ruin everything.”

“Well then who are you going to bring?” She looked up at him with palpable intent, he both knew and hated that expression. “Wendy, no.”

“Kyle, you need to help me stop Cartman.”

“Look,” Kyle said leaning back in his chair and shaking his head, “normally I’d be a hundred percent with you, but no fucking way am I going there.”

“It’s only two nights! We get there Friday morning and leave Sunday night!”

“No, not happening.”

There was a pause before something frighteningly devious crossed her expression and her lips tilted into a smirk.

“Cartman’s bringing Kenny.”

Kyle froze, looking at her skeptically.

“...You’re lying.”

Her smirk grew, obviously knowing she had him exactly where she needed him. “We can each bring two people, remember? Well, he’s bringing Kenny and Butters.”

“That fucking fatass,” Kyle said abruptly standing from the table, “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

***

Not fifteen minutes later, Kyle was slamming his fist against Eric Cartman’s front door.

“Open the door, fatass!”

He could hear cursing from inside before the door swung open in front of his face.

“Damn Jew,” Cartman said looking him with clear distaste and making no move to let him into his house, “what the hell do you want?”

“Wendy told me about your stupid Jersey trip,” Kyle said crossing his arms, “I want you to leave Kenny out of it.”

“Well Kahl, I don’t see how where I go and who I decide to bring with me is any of your business.”

“ _Well_ , Kenny is my boyfriend and that makes it my business,” Kyle said pointedly, uncrossing his arms and jabbing a finger in front of Cartman’s face. “I’m not going to let you get him killed.”

Cartman scoffed, unimpressed. “He’ll just come back anyway.”

“That’s not the fucking point!”

Cartman slowly smiled and leaned against the doorframe in clear amusement. “Why are you so worked up over this, Kahl? What are you afraid he’s going to see your people for what they really are?”

“What the hell are you talking about, fatass?”

“Must I remind you of that day when we were kids? Why, I remember it well,” Cartman said, smiling widening when Kyle’s eyes distinctly narrowed. “There’s a monster inside of you, Kahl. It’s running through your Jewish veins. Everyone likes to pretend like it never happened, but I know you’re just like everyone else from Jersey.”

“So what?” Kyle retorted with a roll of his eyes, although his posture had turned impossibly tense. “I fucking saved your ass and you know it.”

“Yeah, that’s what they all remember isn’t it? Well, what happens when next time you’re not the hero?”

“This isn’t about me!” Kyle finally snapped, hands balling into fists at his sides. “I don’t want you fucking getting Kenny killed with your stupid ass schemes!”

“Act concerned all you want, I know the truth Kahl.”

“Fuck you” Kyle said, shooting him one last glare before turning around, “I’m going to find Kenny.”

***

Kyle stomped his way over to the little convenience store where Kenny worked, looking completely furious the entire time. He was pretty sure he might have accidentally scared a little girl to tears, but he wasn’t stopping, he was on a mission.

When he reached the store he yanked open the door and immediately turned to his blond boyfriend behind the counter.

“Kyle!” Kenny’s eyes lit up the second he noticed him, a wide smile appearing on his face. And at the sight Kyle’s anger completely evaporated, the familiar bright and warm feeling taking its place. “Here to visit me?”

Kyle couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he regarded him fondly. “It’s definitely a possibility.”

“Oh, mysterious,” Kenny’s smile turned playful and he winked, “I like it.”

Walking over, Kyle leaned against the counter. “So how’s your day been?”

Kenny slid the upper part of his body across the counter, looking up at him through his eyelashes, “Well, it definitely got a lot better now that you’re here.”

Kyle almost choked on his laugh. “Seriously dude? You’re a menace.”

“Only for you, babe” he grinned, and then giggled when Kyle lightly shoved him.

“So,” Kyle started slowly after Kenny’s laughter died down, suddenly reluctant to get to the main reason he’d shown up here, “I heard Cartman invited you to Jersey with him and Butters.”

“It’s only for a weekend, and it seems like fun,” Kenny said lightly, plucking at the material of Kyle’s jacket until he lightly swatted his hands away. He glanced up and something on Kyle’s face must have given him pause because his expression slightly fell. “I mean, unless you don’t want me to go,” he gave a small shrug, fake nonchalance lacing his tone. “I’m sure me and you can have just as much fun doing whatever here.”

Kyle wasn’t fooled.

“No,” he said maybe a little too quickly, “no that’s okay.” Kenny gave him a confused look, and so Kyle just kept going. “Actually, Wendy invited me to go too.”

“Really?!” Kenny cheered and Kyle wasn’t quite sure what the hell had just happened. “Dude, babe, this is going to be the best weekend! We can make out on the pier, and have sex on the beach.”

Kyle shoved him from over the counter but he was smiling. “I never took you for a romantic.”

“Oh honey,” Kenny said with a mischievous smile, “I’m just full of surprises.”

And for the first time, Kyle actually found himself thinking that maybe things really wouldn’t be that bad.

***

One week later, Kyle, Wendy, Kenny, and Stan were sitting in the airport waiting for Cartman and Butters to get there. Since they all couldn’t fit in one car, the two of them were driving up separately.

Not that Kyle was complaining. Or Wendy, for that matter.

Still, there was a small part of Kyle that kind of wished that Cartman was there, at least arguing would have provided him with a distraction. As it were, he was a pile of nervous energy as they waited in the seating area before they boarded the plane.

“Guys, for the record, I’m letting you know now that this is a really bad idea,” Kyle said for maybe the fifth time before he looked over to Stan. “You know I had to tell my mom I was going to Maryland? I fucking hate lying to her dude.”

“Dude, chill,” Stan said for possibly the tenth time.

“Seriously Ky, relax,” Kenny said, tone soothing as he gave the hand he was holding a firm squeeze.

Kyle squeezed back and nodded, trying his best to calm his thoughts.

“Kenny,” Wendy spoke up conversationally, “how’d you convince Kyle to come anyway?”

Kenny looked at her with confusion. “I...didn’t?”

Suddenly three pairs of eyes were looking at him, and Kyle looked at them blankly, trying to wreck his brain for some semblance of a response. Luckily, just then he spotted a familiar tub of lard with a blond boy next to him.

“Hey look,” Kyle said pretending he didn’t see the knowing look Wendy gave him, “there’s Butters and Cartman.”

They were the saving grace who he never in a million years would have thought he’d be happy to see. Still, it was apparent that the momentary feeling was in no way mutual as the moment that Cartman spotted Kyle his gaze narrowed.

“Guys,” he said, never taking his glare from the redhead when he joined them, “what the hell is Kahl doing here?”

“I invited him,” Wendy said, overly smug.

Silently his gaze went from Wendy to Kyle, to Kyle and Kenny’s conjoined hands, before finally resting on Kenny.

“Kinny I’m uninviting you. You’re useless to me now.”

“Dude, fuck you,” said Kenny.

Cartman ignored him in favor of pathetically looking at Wendy as if she’d just ran over his cat.

“Wendy, I can’t believe you would do this,” he whined. “Now Kahl’s gonna keep making out with Kinnyyyy and it’s going to ruin my vacationnn…”

“It’s not a fucking vacation Cartman!” Wendy snapped.

“Well it’s not anymore, you hippie bitch,” Cartman said, dropping the act after it had no effect on her. He then turned to Butters with a long sigh, “It looks like it’s just going to be me and you, Butters.”

“I’m not going to let you drag poor Butters into your shit, Cartman!” Wendy said standing so she could look him straight in the eye.

Butters looked nervously between them, speaking for the first time since he’d gotten there.

“Awe gee.”

***

Before long, they were all settled into their seats on the plane, leaving Colorado behind them as they were on their way to the great unknown terror that was known as New Jersey.

Kyle was sitting between Wendy and Kenny, while the others were sitting in a row a couple ahead of them. Wendy had switched seats with Stan after deciding that for the safety of the passengers and their lives it was probably better that she wasn’t sitting in the same row as Cartman while on a moving plane.

Soon enough, Kyle and Wendy’s conversation turned to school as it always inevitably seemed to. It was about a half hour into their conversation about a book they had to read for their English class that Kenny fell asleep, his head resting on Kyle’s shoulder.

“Seriously Kyle,” Wendy said eventually, after their conversation finally faded out, “Stan told me about your problems with Jersey and just thank you for agreeing to come along.”

Kyle shook his head and looked down at his sleeping boyfriend with a small smile. “Well, you made a pretty convincing argument.”

Wendy regarded the two of them fondly “You really love him, don’t you?”

Kyle snorted, giving her a look. “Is it that obvious?”

“Only to about anyone with eyes,” she told him with an overtly smug grin, before it once again softened, “but I think it’s sweet.”

“I could say the same about you and Stan,” Kyle pointed out, slightly defensive.

“Nope, no diverting attention, Broflovski,” Wendy flicked his shoulder with a laugh, but then something crossed her expression as if just remembering something, and her gaze turned serious. “But I’ve been meaning to ask you, is it true what he said about Jersey blood? That it… changes you?”

Kyle shifted, uncomfortable with the topic. Still, he trusted Wendy almost as much as he trusted Stan, and he wouldn’t lie to her. “It’s been a long time, but yeah. It’s hard to forget something like that.”

Wendy nodded slowly, not judging, but considering, before her eyes fall to Kenny. “Does he know?”

Kyle shook his head slightly, careful not to move his shoulder with the motion. “He saw me the day it happened, but I’ve never told him the truth about it, not like I told Stan. I think that he’s under the impression that I was just being dramatic.”

“Well, were you?”

Kyle sighed and turned his head to look out the window, at the clouds covering the ground below them. “I really wish it’d been that simple.”

“Kyle,” Wendy said gently, “Kenny’s not going to care. You should just tell him.”

“But what if he does?” Kyle said, looking back at her. “I can’t risk it, Wendy.” He turned his gaze to Kenny who was still sound asleep on his shoulder and then to his hands resting on his lap which he then curled into fists. “I’ll just have to fight it, that’s all.”

She sighed, “Kyle, you’re an idiot.”

But to his relief, she dropped it after that.

***

It hit him the moment he stepped off the plane.

Kyle’s skin prickled as he entered the New Jersey airport, the feeling hitting him like a semi-truck. It was a call that vibrated through his veins. It traveled throughout his bloodstream until it wrapped itself up in his mind, a foreign whisper that threatened all reason. He sharply inhaled and clutched at his head.

“Ky, babe,” Kenny said, at his side in an instant, “are you okay?”

_Don’t let him see._

“Yeah,” Kyle said slowly, pushing the feeling down as far as it could go. “Just a headache.”

Kenny didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t question him, only took his hand within his own.

Kyle tried his best to focus his attention on the feeling, silently pulling the zipper of his jacket up from where he’d started unzipping it.

***

After they get themselves situated in their hotel rooms, they get a ride to the Atlantic City boardwalk in two separate cabs. It was an exceptionally tense car ride as Wendy attempted to make small talk with the driver in order to distract from the obviously irritable redhead that was sitting beside her.

Kyle was exceptionally agitated.

He kept fidgeting and had a permanent glare pasted on his face. Kenny kept shooting him concerned looks and had shifted so close that he was practically pressed against his side, but although Kyle was thankful, it didn’t seem to be having the same effect as it normally did.

When they at last all get to the boardwalk, the first thing that Cartman obviously wants to do is get fries. So, he and Butters go to order them, leaving the rest of them at a bench waiting.

Stan was currently busy looking up in frightened awe at the sky, “Guys, why are there so many birds?”

“They’re called seagulls, Stan,” Wendy said, not looking up from the map she’d been studying.

Kyle meanwhile had his gaze focused on some dumb ass kid sitting on the bench across from him who he swore kept giving him looks, and was trying to convince himself that it was not a good idea to get up and fight him. The more time that passed, the harder it became to see why he shouldn’t.

“Ky, is something wrong?” Kenny said quietly, leaning in closer.

Kyle immediately put a hand on his knee before he stood up, cracking his knuckles.

“Don’t worry bout’ it baby, I got this piece of garbage.”

“Uh, what?” Kenny laughed somewhat nervously, as he too stood and turned him to face him. “I mean, not that I don’t appreciate the pet name, but you’re acting weird dude.”

Kyle blinked slowly at him, finally coming back to himself. “Sorry I...I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

Kenny looked like he didn’t believe him, but before he could say anything he was interrupted by a familiar curse.

“Oh, hamburgers!”

They both turned to see Butters let go of his bucket of fries in shock as a bird, that had apparently swooped down, went and carried it away.

“Aye! Goddammit!” Cartman cursed, “Those are _my_ fries!”

As they all looked at each other in shock a cop came to an abrupt stop on his bicycle in front of them. “Hey, yous ain’t allowed to feed the seagulls!”

“He didn’t!” Stan quickly defended Butters. “It just stole it from him!”

The orange-skinned cop narrowed his eyes. “That’s what they all say,” he said slowly, looking at each of them with narrowed eyes. “I’ll cut yous some slack this time since yous kids clearly ain’t from around here, but remember, you ain’t in Kansas anymore boys. Yous is all in Jersey country now.”

Then with that, he cycled away.

“Dude,” Stan said, breaking the stunned silence. “What the hell did we get ourselves into?”

“I fucking told you guys this was a bad idea,” Kyle muttered, stalking off from the spot where he’d moved in front of Kenny without even noticing.

***

It only got worse.

It was a constant urge in the back of Kyle’s skull, something like an itch that lingered at the forefront of his mind just begging to be scratched. Kyle tried to ignore it. Really, he did.

It was exhausting.

By the time they make it back to the hotel room Kyle was so mentally exhausted all he could do was flop down on the bed.

There was a shift of weight on the bed, and Kyle opened his eyes to see that Kenny had laid down on his stomach beside him. When he met his eyes, the blond smiled.

“Your eyes are back to normal,” Kenny said with no small amount of affection. “You’ve looked off all day, dude.”

“Sorry,” Kyle said, hating that he’d been making him worry. “I’ve probably been shit company.”

“You’re never bad company, Ky,” Kenny said without a pause as he shifted closer, resting his forehead against his. “I’m glad you’re here.”

For a moment, Kyle allowed himself to close his eyes and take a deep breath.

He lasted a day. Just one more and then they’d be leaving on Sunday.

Just one more fucking day.

***

It wasn’t even 10am yet, and already Saturday was shaping up to be a hot mess. It was the day of the environmental meeting or whatever the hell Wendy had been going on about, or in other words the actual purpose of the trip.

And as anticipated, Cartman wanted to destroy it.

“Come on, do you know how totally lame a meeting like that’s going to be?” Cartman said, rolling his eyes. “We could totally convince them to build an amusement park or something totally cool.”

“We’re here to save the environment not build an amusement park, Cartman!”

“Whatever, it’s not like I need your help, you hippie. Butters and I will do it, right Butters?”

“Well gee-”

“No! Butters is coming with us! Come on Butters!” Wendy said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him with her as she stomped out the door.

“Awe, well I’ll see you later then, Eric!”

Stan sighed, “Later dudes,” he said as he trailed behind his girlfriend and her captive, before shutting the door behind him.

“Damn hippies,” Cartman muttered before turning to Kenny. “Alright then, Kinny I’ll let you come with me then.”

“No fucking way, dude,” he said without missing a beat.

“Come on Kinny!” Cartman whined, “I brought you here, so you owe me!”

Kyle stepped forward, reaching his boiling point incredibly quickly. “He doesn’t owe you shit, fatass!”

“Aye! Stay out of this you fucking Jew!”

“I ain’t gonna stay outta this, ya fucking piece of trash, goddamn cabbage!”

“Ky, what did you just call him?” Kenny said softly coming up behind him and breaking him out of it again.

Kyle’s eyes grew wide and he took a shaky step back. “I don’t...shit I…”

Cartman grinned. “Do you feel it Kahl? It’s getting harder to resist, isn’t it?”

“I…I’m fine,” he said, none of his normal fire present as he grabbed Kenny’s hand and began leading them to the door. “Come on Kenny, let’s just go.”

***

They were walking down one of the side streets right off of the boardwalk when it happened.

There wasn’t even a direct trigger for it, Kyle had just been fighting the feeling all day, and then in one single moment, he lost himself.

There was this group of Jersey people who kept looking over their way, and Kyle swore that they were following them. His hair was standing up on the back of his neck, senses going into overdrive, and he really wanted to go back and confront them, but he needed to get Kenny out of there first.

Or, at least, that was his main goal until he saw group cross the fucking street over to their side.

Kyle pushed Kenny behind him, barricading him against the wall of the building while he puffed out his chest, crossed his arms and glared at the group of Jersey natives passing them. The orange-skinned group gave him one look and immediately quickened their pace. Still, when they passed directly in front of them, Kyle rolled up his sleeves and released a noise that was uncomfortably close to a growl.

Kenny peeked his head over his shoulder, resting his chin on it. “Ky, what are you doing?”

At his words, Kyle seemed to snap out of it, shaking his head to clear it. Looking down at his bare arms, he quickly fixed his sleeves and grabbed his jacket off the ground.

“Did you want to just go back to the hotel?” Kenny said, watching him with clear concern. “Cartman should be gone by now.”

“Yeah,” Kyle said, voice a slightly higher pitch than normal, “yeah, that sounds nice.”

***

The minute they got back Kyle got into bed and curled into a ball under the blankets. It’s an old habit he had from when he was young, from when he got overwhelmed and just wanted to hide from the universe for a while. Kenny knew this, and so Kyle felt his weight press down on the mattress outside the safety of his blanket, but he didn’t say anything. Just let him know he was there.

It helped. It really did.

Eventually, Kyle emerged from the blankets, and Kenny looked up from the magazine he was flipping through and smiled at him.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Kenny pushed the magazine onto the floor and sat up on the bed. “You wanna talk about what happened?”

Truthfully, Kyle was overwhelmed by a confusing mix of emotions. He didn’t want to talk about it, yet at the same time, he did. Conflicted and unsure, he released a heavy sigh.

He settled for half of the truth.

“I don’t like you being in such a dangerous place,” he said, reaching over and smoothing back Kenny’s hair.

“Babe relax, can’t die remember?”

Kyle gave him a sharp look. “That doesn’t make me feel better, you know that.”

Kenny sighed with a fond little smile. “Ky, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I always worry,” Kyle told him seriously, “ _especially_ about you.”

Kenny seemed at a loss for words for a moment, before a cross between something both adoring and inherently playful entered his eyes. Kyle didn’t even have time to react before suddenly he was being pushed back onto the bed, Kenny hovering over him with a playful smirk.

“Wanna makeout?”

Kyle snorted. “Way to ruin the mood, you ass.”

“I didn’t ruin it,” Kenny said leaning in, “I just started it.”

***

Cartman returned a few hours later with a case of beer and several bags of fast food which he had zero intention of sharing, only to be met with the sight of his two childhood friends in the middle of their forth makeout session. They were thankfully still fully clothed, which Cartman would have Kyle to thank for because it certainly wasn’t for Kenny’s lack of trying.

“Aye fucking sick. Shouldn't you guys be out humping on a beach somewhere?”

Kyle shot Cartman a glare while simultaneously elbowing Kenny before he said anything smart.

“You know, you could just go to your own room,” Kyle pointed out, putting a bit of space between himself and Kenny.

“Aye this is my vacation, I do what I want.”

And with that, Cartman sat down at the table to eat the pile of food he bought. He was just getting into his third burger when Stan and Wendy burst into the room.

“We lost Butters,” Stan said without preamble.

“What do you mean you fucking lost him?” Cartman said, actually dropping his food.

“Just one minute he was there…and the next he was just…gone,” Wendy said, gesturing brokenly to the empty space beside her.

“Well, what the fuck are you two doing here then?” Cartman said rising to his feet.

“We looked everywhere,” Wendy voiced quietly, “but no one’s willing to help and just… he could be anywhere.”

“Jersey assholes…” Cartman whipped around to face Kyle. “You can communicate with them Kahl! You can get him back!”

“Screw you fatass,” Kyle said crossing his arms. “I’m not going to have any more luck than you are.”

“Stop being a little bitch and just use your Jersey blood to help find him!”

“Yeah, not fucking happening,” Kyle rolled his eyes and turned towards the bathroom. “I’m getting a damn shower.”

“Yeah, well screw you too, Kahl!”

***

By the time Kyle exited the bathroom, the room was a hell of a lot emptier than it had been when he’d last left it. Looking around, he noticed with a small sense of dread that Stan seemed to be the only one still in the room.

“Where’s Kenny?” Kyle asked him.

Stan shrugged. “He went out.”

Kyle froze. “Why would he do that?” He asked carefully.

Stan gave him an odd look. “Probably so you wouldn’t have to, dude. He told Cartman he’d go with him instead.”

“And you let him go? With Cartman?!”

“Uh, yeah?”

Kyle scrambled around, grabbing his coat and his shoes. “Dammit, Stan!” As he frantically got himself together he muttered, “If I don’t come back it means Kenny’s dead and I’m either dead or in jail for killing Cartman,” he paused. “And then when you get back home tell Kenny that I always loved him and that I fucking told him that this would happen.”

Stan had literally no clue what he was talking about, but he nodded anyway. “Sure, dude.”

And with that, Kyle ran out.

***

Kyle found them on the boardwalk, not far from their hotel.

Kenny was tied to a lamppost while Cartman sat waiting on the bench next to him. He was tied up with a rope that Kyle really would rather not know how Cartman managed to get ahold of, and some sort of lock. When Kyle stomped over, Cartman looked up with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh, Kahl, how unexpected of you to show up.”

“Hey, Ky!” Kenny greeted him from his spot on the lamppost. Kyle waved, before focusing his gaze on the evil tub of lard in front of him.

“What the fuck are you doing, fatass?”

“Well Kahl, I needed some way to get your ass out here to communicate with these assholes. So, now that you’re done taking care of your period, you can fucking find Butters.”

“He’s at the hotel,” Kyle said.

Cartman blinked. “What?”

“Stan texted me on my way here. He found his way back.”

“Goddammit Butters,” Cartman muttered. “Alright,” he said getting up and pretending to dust off his hands, “well I guess my work is done here.”

“Let Kenny go, fatass.”

“Well, actually you see I was thinking-”

“Cartman,” Kyle gritted.

“-about how much better my vacation would be-”

“I’m not fucking kidding, let him go.”

“-if I didn’t have you and Kinny messing it up.”

Cartman smirked.

Kyle’s hand tightened into a fist.

“That guy hates Jersey!” Cartman yelled as loud as he could a second before Kyle decked him.

Cartman fell to the ground, completely knocked out. But the damage had already been done. Kyle watched in horror as his words sunk into the surrounding people.

Kyle looked over to Kenny, who just looked back at him with a little resigned smile. “See you at home?”

Kyle couldn’t answer, tears pricking his eyes as he looked from Kenny, to the lock, to the quickly gathering crowd. Even if Cartman had the key on him, the chances of them both escaping was extremely low. There was no way-

His hands tightened into fists at his side.

No.

“Hey that guys been talkin’ bad bout’ Jersey.”

Kyle’s jacket fell to the ground.

“You don’t ever! Ever! Talk bad about Jersey! You fucking trashy little bitch, fuck you!”

He rolled up his sleeves and dropped his hat.

“Fucking garbage!”

Kyle gave in.

“Don’t you fucking lay a hand on him, you piece of trash!” Kyley-B snarled, pure unrestrained fire, as he stormed over to meet the crowd head-on. “Bunch of garbage, the all of ya! Yous wanna get to him ya’s gonna have’ta go through me, ya hear?”

One of the guys slightly backed up. “Come on man, we’s was just messin’”

“You think I fucking care?” Kyley-B spat, two days of repressed personality suddenly bursting free. “You think I fucking give a shit? I don’t give two fucks what yous think you’re doin’, I’m telling ya you’s is all nothin’ but cabbage! Got cabbage in ya muff, ya hear?!”

One of the bigger guys stepped forward. “What the fuck did ya just say?”

He swung a fist towards Kyley-B, but he easily dodged it and grabbed the shirt of the guy, pulling him down until he was eye level with him. “Get the cabbage out of your fucking muff,” he said slowly, “and get the fuck out of my face before I rearrange it for ya.”

“Aw shit,” the guy said scrambling away once Kyley-B let him go, “this ain’t even worth this shit. Come on, we leavin’.”

Kyley-B watched the crowd disperse before he deflated with a heavy sigh and Kyle was left staring at the ground in front of him.

“Holy shit. Ky…?” Kenny said walking over, having apparently gotten himself free.

Kyle looked from the rope and lock sitting on the ground next to the lamppost and then back to Kenny in momentary surprise. The blond just gave him a sheepish smile and he shrugged. Kyle shook his head and went back to looking down at the ground.

“I never wanted you to see me like that,” Kyle said quietly. “Fucking disgusting isn’t it? I’m one of them.”

Kenny didn't say anything, just walked over and tilted his chin up, trying his best to catch his eye. Kyle pointedly avoided doing so. Kenny gave a fond little sigh. “Ky, babe, I _love_ you,” he said gently, causing Kyle to finally look at him in surprise. Kenny grinned, eyes sparkling, as he pulled him closer. “And that means every single part of you,” he poked his shirt, “even Kyley-B. I mean, do you think any less of me for being Mysterion?”

“Of course not,” Kyle said, voice cracking.

“Exactly. I love you for you and nothing’s ever going to change that.”

Suddenly speechless, Kyle did the only thing he could think to do and pulled him down and kissed him. The feeling familiar and warm and bright, and everything he had come to associate with Kenny.

“Besides,” Kenny said, eventually pulling away for a moment, “that was really fucking hot.”

“Oh, shut it,” Kyle whispered against his lips before closing the gap and kissing him again.

***

It was finally Sunday morning and the six of them were spending their final hours in the safety of the hotel room before they had to leave for the airport.

“I cannot fucking wait to leave this place,” Cartman muttered, holding a frozen water bottle to his jaw.

“Gee, this place ain’t so bad,” Butters said, “I think I kinda like it. I made lots of nice friends here.”

“I still can’t believe Butters motivated everyone into doing a full beach clean up,” Stan said.

Wendy groaned, staring down at her hands as if they had somehow failed her. “It was like… all of my plans were just… useless.”

“Awe, they weren’t useless Wendy!” Butters said, reaching over and giving her shoulder a solid pat. “At least ya tried your best! Long as you try your best, well then that’s all that really matters.”

“Thanks, Butters,” she said with a heavy sigh.

Butters looked back to Cartman with a wide smile. “Thanks for invitin’ me, Eric. I’m thinkin’ I’d like to come back here again.”

Stan looked at him like he was insane, while Cartman cursed something under his breath, and Wendy just continued to brokenly stare at her hands.

“Hey,” Kenny spoke up, “Kyle and I will go with you!”

“Kenny, no,” Kyle quickly said.

“Oh, well if you don’t want to,” Kenny gave a small little smile and shrugged, “then we don’t have to. I’m sure we could have just as much fun at other places.”

Kyle wasn’t fooled.

“I’ll... consider it,” Kyle said slowly.

Kenny and Butters looked at each other and both cheered.

Kyle swore his inability to say no to his boyfriend was really going to get him killed one day.

**Author's Note:**

> This was requested by the wonderful Townycod13, who is amazing and deserves so much more than whatever this is.  
> She also drew me a freaking amazing thing:  
> https://panacea-for-all-evil.tumblr.com/post/177901272536/townycod13-a-jersey-problem-by


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